Since I’ve spoken – re Depp V Heard – women have come forward, disclosing things they’ve experienced at the hands of violent mn.
Strong, intelligent, women.
Strong intelligent women, reporting they cannot speak out, for fear of disbelieving gossips, whom – during this time – they have come to believe are the majority.
I have no skin in the game, no experience of domestic violence to report.
But I know – to a point I can place bets – that some out there do attribute my stance to being “damaged” “that way”.
Having ishoos.
It’s easier to attribute my motives to trauma and neurosis, than address why a woman wouldn’t join in malicious and prurient gossip.
I have never denied that women can abuse, all I’ve ever pointed out is three crucial things, which are, in no order of importance;
1- Abuse literally means the ab/use of a structural power, be that strength, riches, or rank.
The definition of abuse is that – for ab/use to occur, an im/balance of power must exist.
So mutual abuse cannot scientifically exist – think that’s Newtonian physics but I’ll stand happily corrected. 2- Why men can leave but women can’t. It’s nothing to do with trauma bonding.
2a – The most dangerous time in an abused woman’s life – other than when she is pregnant – is when she is in the process of leaving her tormentor, or after she has left.
This is not an opinion it’s a fact acknowledged by the MOJ, DPP, and countless other orgs.
There are no corresponding figures for men, as female tormentors – as equally egregious as they are – are simply not murdering mn.
2b – contrary to common belief (and taken from a mn’s abuse charity) mn DO report, and as frequently – and at a lower threshold – and nor are they as stigmatised by society.
While all victims often experience a sense of shame, mn aren’t shamed as much as women, because- whan mn experience abuse – it is seen by society as “worse”.
We have seen this also played out – in the court of public opinion – through the lens of Depp V Heard.
3 – That – so soon after #meetoo – public opinion has reverted to the tropes so often attempted by unethical defence lawyers, in rape trials (in no order of frequency)
[ I address this in brackets where relevant re this case]
3a – she isn’t acting how we believe a victim should
[newflash, special victims orgs will tell you nope]
3b – she goaded him
[dont fight with mn,ladies]
3c – she’s after his money
[divorce settlement rather refutes that]
3d – she’s mentle
[victims trend to come across as traumatised, like d*h]
3e – she’s mutually abusive
[scientifically impossible, see above]
3f – the “woman scorned”
[who’s suing who, five times now]
3g – women who don’t report contemporaneously, must be liars when they eventually do.
[Never mind she did report on one occasion, in order to get a restraining order]
[ See also, “failure to report harms real victims/reporting harms real victims”…..
….we see you, you mixed up kids]
3h – she’s defamed him.
[by not naming him, that was a British tabloid – the Sun- and a High Court Judge found against him]
3i – allegations destroy mn, so hers are, for that malicious intent
[yeh, women can’t resist being absolutely shredded by the mn they’ve destroyed, and their supporters]
[see also Eleanor DeFreitas, and Ched Evan’s – alleged/usual caveats – victim, who now lives under a new identity, protected by the police]
3j – she’s an actress
[so is acting]
[women are, yanno]
[mn aren’t, so – despite being an actor – Depp isn’t acting]
3k – nobody believes mn, so this is important
[everybody believes mn, which is why this is important]
Whoever prevails in court, Depp has won.
If we believe women, this will not alter that.
If we don’t, we now have an excuse, a totem to wheel out.
If we hide behind “real” victims, all we are revealing is that we don’t really believe real victims exist.
While I know mn can be abused, I also know this is being leapt on – as #mentoo, and in the name of equality – to erase the reality of victim and offender, in a colossal act of DARVO.
I believe women, when they come to me and say they’re now scared to speak out.
I believe women when they report. And this doesn’t mean I don’t believe men or can’t have an open mind. Stop that.
BUT